Party People

I have had an insanely stress-filled week and I was relieved that the weekend would consist of a nice and filled timetable of parties and seeing my family. I didn't really expect to be feeling this rough at the end of a weekend but blimey... I would quite happily sit inside and eat chips by myself to get over the insane amount of alcohol I have consumed the last couple of nights. The reason this is linked in with ADD is that I feel that alcohol makes me feel a lot less overwhelmed in social groups such as a house party and most of the time it makes me feel right-as-rain in the morning and I feel attentive and ready for the day ahead (until the 5 o'clock hit, that is). Once I've had even just one drink, I feel much more comfortable in a crowd and I don't tense up when I am hugged and approached which is something which I've had more of a problem with in more recent years. Obviously, alcohol isn't the correct way to medicate these problems but it helps a lot when I am at a party which is luckily only two or three times a month which means my liver won't mind too much.

Today, was pretty much a recovery day consisting of me taking my brother out for a bike ride and getting some snaps along the way. A bike ride, in my eyes is the therapy for whenever I feel less than satisfactory and as I'm averagely healthy, it doesn't feel like a chore. I've been forming a much closer bond with my younger brother since I've been hanging out with him on a weekend and I think that as long as he doesn't become a bratty teenager; we'll be close for a very long time to come. The only problem I have with him is how much he demands from people all of the time, compared to me who tends to shy away from people. I become really impatient and irritated by the constant demands to play pool or go on the Wii or play football which was originally fun but has become repetitive and dull. Instead, I enjoy taking Harry out on the trips that not only he enjoys but also means that he gets to experience the fun I have when I'm simply rolling full-speed down a hill on my bike. I also try to spark his imaginative side by shooting some photos alongside him and giving a couple of hints here and there to encourage experimentation.

I'm guessing that my next post will be next weekend when I am looking after my ex-dog Westie, Spike and will be writing about the link between ADD and pets (especially dogs).

Thanks for reading, Jessie

If you would like to see more of my photos, just check out my Flickr page here

Past and Future

Today I've been thinking a lot about what lies ahead for me in the future. With College finishing in just under a week, I feel no where near ready for the big bad world to eat me up. I haven't even got an inch of a career plan mapped out and yet it seems that all of my friends are either going to University to study for insanely good jobs or they already know exactly what they want to do and have their whole life planned out in stages. How can anyone do that?

I mean, there are a few things that I kind of 'like' the idea of such as progressing with my photography or even looking after dogs which are both things that I absolutely love doing. Photography seems like a hopeless career to get involved in as unless you initially know people and they know you, there is no hope of getting anywhere without falling to your knees and begging people to employ you. Looking after dogs on the other hand would be much easier to settle in to but there is always the problem of money which is clearly going to be an issue if I'm getting paid to love and wash dogs all day (especially when I am hoping to move out in a year or so). I know that with either of these jobs (mainly the latter) that I will feel extremely comfortable in my environment which is an important factor for me and the people and pets will always be different around me so the days will not be repetitive and dull.

My mum keeps on saying that I should keep my mind open and look at other jobs such as retail work in the town but I can just see myself blanking out and being completely useless with customers, my social skills are bad enough as it is let alone making me try and convince someone to buy the latest mobile phone or loyalty card.

The reason I included this picture of me (right) and my sister on holiday was because this was around the sort of age when all you ever thought about was what was going to happening later on in the day. Life wasn't scary and it didn't feel like a dead end.

Frustration and Impatience

Blimey, it has only been about 26 hours since my appointment at the doctors and I am already wanting this letter to be coming through the post. This will be locked onto my brain until I get anything back and is most likely going to be the only thing on my mind during a very important last few days at college.


To fuel my slight obsession with ADD at the moment I have decided to get involved in the forums once again and have come across quite a few interesting threads, one of which I would like to bring up. 


KnewItAllAlong says:
"Should we be offended when we hear someone say, about us or someone else, that we are "ADD" without them actually knowing that we have been diagnosed. As if it's a more politically correct form of calling someone "retarded". Am I being over sensitive? I hear it more and more. I even heard it on a TV show recently."


After reading this post, it reminded me of a documentary I had watched a few months ago about a boy called Alex. He had been diagnosed with ADHD and basically the documentary portrayed how hard it was for the parent to deal with this child and his extremely bad behaviour. This documentary was created for the BBC and I was actually quite shocked at how biased the film actually was. The professionals and experts that they featured all explained ADHD and ADD as a diagnosis for naughty children and did not explain any of the actual problems that a child or an adult have to deal with who have this disorder. 


I can completely understand why the public use ADD as an excuse or joke when films like the one I have mentioned has such an inaccurate portrayal of the disorder. Now I realise why the UK find it so hard to see this as a disorder when the only examples of ADHD that are publicised are basically a bunch of loud, naughty and rude children that need a massive kick up the arse.

Plucked up the Courage

This is not only my first post but also my first step towards getting a much needed diagnosis for ADD.

I have spent years, knowing that something was up and that the description of Attention Deficit Disorder fitted me like a glove. It is only recently that I have actually shared my thoughts with my friends and family and after a brief explanation of what ADD is all about they agreed. My friends actually laughed at the specification sheet I showed them and said how it was basically me described on paper. Although not the same as a diagnosis, I felt much better knowing that other people are aware of my inattention and it means that I'm not just being paranoid.

I have a little book suggestion for anyone with queries about ADD and other related mental disorders written by Dr. Robin Pauc. It is called 'Could it Be You?' and specialises in the Adult side of ADD which is rarely covered in the UK.

Continuing with my backstory, I then made an appointment with one of the doctors at my practice. They had chosen a female doctor for me which was great as I felt she would be more understanding and keen to listen but when I turned up today they had changed my doctor and was now going to be a male one which for some reason made me nervous. After an uncomfortable hour-long wait (which consisted of me fidgeting and appearing very odd to the other patients in the waiting room) I was buzzed to go in. It took me a while to get out what I wanted to say because the nerves had gotten the better of me and my voice was all shaky. Although a brief meeting, I managed to say almost everything I had listed in my head to mention on the day and the doctor has referred me to a specialist nearby which I am extremely grateful for as he could have easily laughed in my face and told me that ADD was a pile of 'American nonsense'.

Note to readers wanting to know how to speak to your doctor getting diagnosed: Use this spec-sheet or look for ones very similar to it so that your doctor can look at it and see exactly what is up in the simplest way.

I am hoping for a letter from the doctor in a couple of weeks time with an appointment or information from the specialists and so I will definitely be keeping you posted on the turnout. You will also be seeing anything ADD-related in my life such as photographs and events which are all huge factors in my life that let me escape from the hustle and bustle of the ADD-mind.

Thanks, Jessie.