Apologies - But good news!

I have got to apologise for the supreme lack of posting on my part. So much has happened in the past five months that I have had no time (or any internet) to keep you up to date on my whereabouts.

Since my last post I have:
- Been diagnosed with ADD Inattentive
- Moved from home into my own flat with my partner
- Got an extremely fun job
- Almost enough money to be comfortable
- Smiled more times than I have in years
- Also had a mild fit in a nightclub and there is a possibility I could also be epileptic. (Haha, deary me.)

(...and breathe) See? There has been lots and lots happening. Obviously the diagnosis is the most important one to tell you guys about because that is exactly what this blog is about. After about three sessions with my psychiatrist, he put me on a small prescription for Concerta (18mg), a nice and small dosage that has helped me feel more aware of my surroundings and actually listen to what my boyfriend, family, colleagues, boss (etc) have to say. I'm not sure whether they will consider putting me on a higher dosage or a different medication altogether due to the side effects which I haven't yet talked about with my psych as I've been too wrapped up in work, christmas and moving.

Anywayyy, I hope that has filled in the gaps of mystery and wonder for now. =] If you fancy knowing anymore about what I've mentioned then don't be scared to ask. It's not like I can hurt you over the internet anyway. >=]

(Just kidding)

Thanks for reading, Jessie

Religion and Me

This is up to you to decide whether this is relevant to ADD or not but I went to a church service on sunday in Israel. I usually try to avoid church services, not because I'm an atheist or anything like that but because I usually feel really awkward and overwhelmed by the people around me and the amount of concentration required to sit still whilst praying and listening to a sermon.

Back to sunday though, entering the church was fine. I greeted some of the americans I had met on a trip to london and sat down with my friend and her family. Everyone was really happy and alert when Derrick came up to the front and picked up his guitar, asking everyone to stand up and join in. This was the bit I hated the most, singing and praising with everyone (Partly because I have no talent in the singing department and also from past experience, everyone gets a bit scary when they start to sing about God). I eventually warmed into it and didn't feel so uncomfortable with standing up and even tapped my feet to the music.

After the songs, we all sat down to listen to a sermon from this storyteller. It was completely silent except for his voice and it made me very aware of my tic (a gentle grunt) and my fidgeting which consisted of tapping my feet, playing with my hands, looking around the room and shuffling in my seat. I was worrying that people would notice my fidgeting and instantly think I wasn't listening to the storyteller or interested in God.

What I'm not sure about is whether I really don't believe in God or Jesus or whether it's just because the church atmosphere makes me feel very overwhelmed and uncomfortable especially when you see people with their heads in their hands and waving their hands about in the air. It kind of scares me and creeps me out.

If anyone could give me some reassurance it would be great. I do believe there is a God and I know that Jesus existed yet why do I feel so uncomfortable talking about it and dislike being with a large group of christians at the same time.

The ADD short is up!

Ta-dahhh. I present to you my little short about ADD Inattentive.

I decided to make this movie so that I could publish it to sites such as YouTube and Forums to raise awareness of ADD-I in a less comedic way but so that it was still light- hearted. Instead of being very literal with the symptoms of this disorder I tried to represent them in a metaphorical way.

I kept the symptoms quite obvious at the beginning with the pen fiddling and feet tapping as this is the shot of the boy in the ʻreal worldʼ and when he starts to daydream, you are seeing how his brain works. It is an inconsistent clip to show that the brain of a person with ADD-I is very cluttered sometimes and yet it can also be blurred and zoned out at other times. The wall represents the concentration barrier which ʻnormalʼ people would be able to climb up to to the top of because they have the mental ability to do so but this character cannot and becomes angry and stressed out due to his ADD. The field is supposed to resemble him zoning out and losing himself in his own ʻADD worldʼ which is where he goes running to after he becomes to worked up about the wall.

There are also little additions to the film that I have added which I wonʼt be mentioning but if you pick up on them as symbolising ADD symptoms then let me know what you have discovered. If you would like to comment on this video, I would really appreciate it if you left me the comment on the YouTube page as it is easier to look at (kind of)

A little hole inside

I woke up this morning waiting for my morning greeting from Spike (my dog) and had completely forgotten that he had to go back to my Grandad's house.

(Long story short: Spike used to live with me but when Dad's girlfriend moved in the dog had to go and live with my Grandparents)

It felt really strange, even though I had only had him back for just under a week. It was almost as if he had slipped through my fingers yet again and I had no control over it. No one seems to understand this except me but I will try to explain as well as possible, but Spike and I seem to have the same sort of connection that I would have with my best friend. He was always there for me when I was younger and was crying in my bedroom, he was always there when I felt like running about and having a play and in a way he actually taught me that I needed to give him and people space sometimes (he would tend to growl at me and bit me once when I got too close to him when he was trying to sleep. Taught me a lesson)


I had him for the week because my mum and her fiance went on holiday. I didn't really fancy being on my own and so I requested that I could borrow Spike from my Grandad for the week just so that I had company and something to keep me occupied whilst they were gone.

I loved how protective he was of me the whole time, despite a few growling moments when I got in his 'bubble' (which is just like how I feel sometimes, without the growling part) he made sure that people kept their distance from us which was probably more due to the fact that they were males and he seems to be really iffy about guys.

I wonder if people with ADHD/ADD feel the same way as I do with their own dog or other people's dogs. Our lack of social skills may mean that a doggy friend like Spike is exactly what we need to be happy in this not so friendly society that we live in.

ADD Inattentive - Short movie by yours truly

A masterpiece? We'll wait and see, haha. Basically, the storyboard and idea is all complete and I am probably going to be filming this and editing it all this weekend as I hate leaving things waiting around when I know that I could get it all done if I hyper-focused and put everything into this.

I'll upload it to YouTube and give you the link when it is complete and hopefully you will enjoy it as much as I will have making it.

The main storyline is a child who is doing his homework and spaces out into his ADD world and you are basically seeing what his brain is doing through the boy's actions, if you get what I mean? I've made it quite confusing to explain but it's simple when I look at the drawings. Sorry :)

Keep your eyes peeled.

How about a movie short?

I'm feeling creative at the moment and I think that it would be pretty fun and interesting to make a short movie about what it's like to have ADD from the person's perspective. I need some good ideas and opinions from other people though to make sure that this is as accurate and informative as possible.

Please comment with any suggestions or help, it will be really appreciated.

Thanks for reading this short but sweet post, Jessie.

:)

Appointment Set

Hallelujah! I received a phone call on my mobile during college today from the Linden Centre (local psych place) and a date is set for my appointment. I can't remember the date it was this month but at least I know it's this month and it's a Tuesday lol deary me...

I'm pleasantly surprised with how quickly I got a response back from them as I was expecting at least a month until I heard anything. I have no idea what to expect other than the same sort of questions as I had from my doctor; I'm not even sure if the person I will be speaking to is an ADHD specialist but I'm assuming they'll know much more about it. I still need to tell my mum that I've even gone to the doctor, just trying to find the right way or time to say, it's not as if she'll mind that I have gone to the doctors but more the fact that I didn't actually tell her.

Just a random thought that has popped into my head. How can a child who is diagnosed with ADHD/ADD 'grow out of it' and no longer have the disorder as an adult? If this condition is a neurological problem and is definitely a problem in the brain then how can it go away in some but stay in others? Maybe it just means that the children that 'grow out of it' never actually had the disorder in the first place but were just being slightly hyper like kids on sugar tend to be? I don't know... just makes me a bit confused sometimes.